4,512 miles and Many Lessons I Have Learned

(Warning! This is the longest post I have ever written so grab a cup of coffee  and get comfortable if you ware planning on reading it!)

I find myself in Des Moines, Iowa tonight.   It is the final destination of my solo adventure and where Brad will meet up with me tomorrow night.   It seems like both forever ago and just yesterday that I left home, but tonight in one sense the main portion of the trip draws to a close, and I find it to be bittersweet.   I am definitely ready to get home, but I also find myself a little sad that the adventure is ending and must confess to enjoying the freedom and the solitude that this trip has brought me.  I am realizing that it's a rare opportunity to have this many days to sit and ponder both the big things and the little things in your life without the interruptions of daily life, so I feel like I wanted to approach this day as if it was a valuable and fragile thing and I had to handle it with care and treasure it.

The actual driving time from Lincoln to Des Moines is only about three hours, but it took me about six and a half or seven.  After getting another leisurely start (thank you so much Susan!), I left about 10:45.  I had not made it even an hour when I discovered my first detour   I had originally thought I would perhaps take all back roads and avoid the interstates altogether, but decided to at least start out on it and just see where it lead me.  And I am so thankful I did.

When Brad and I had made the first leg of the trip from Salt Lake City to Indianapolis, we drove this same stretch of I-80.  Things looked familiar here and there and then suddenly I saw a structure on a hill that I remember seeing before and wondering what it was!!  Today was the day to find out and perhaps the reason that I took the interstate after all!

So I took the exit for Gretna, Nebraska and saw a sign that pointed in that direction that said it was the way to the Holy Family Shrine.  Must be it, so I went a few miles down that road and then turned down a dirt road that told me it was one mile in that direction.  I must admit that this was perhaps one of those moments on this trip that truly provided almost a breathtaking sight as I crested a hill and off to my right in front of me was the shrine.   It is an absolutely gorgeous building made of cedar and glass that stands over two stories tall and is set in a field high above the freeway.   It is such a contrast to everything that surrounds it that you can't help but be drawn to it.

I parked the car and walked toward the entrance, which is actually carved out of the side of a hill and it appears as though you are entering the earth when you enter it.   Done in limestone, it looks so in tune with it's surroundings.  Inside, the entrance the feeling of being in nature continues with a skylight and a hanging sculpture from which water drips into a collecting pool.  It was such a peaceful sound!  The history of the building from conception to completion is on the walls so you can read the entire history while you are there.

What I found most amazing - well, there were many things I found amazing - was that there was a small path with stones cut into the floor, into which it appeared that the water flowed once it left the pool and that water path lead quite literally, out the door of the visitors center, down the middle of a limestone path that lead to the chapel and into the chapel, all the way up to the alter where it fed into a larger pool.  Limestone "bridges" allow you to enter the pews, but the water literally runs down the aisle on each side!

The building itself was astonishing , created entirely from red cedar and glass.   The exterior walls are all glass.  It has details like the upper trusses interlacing to look like wheat waving in a field!  And I must admit that beyond the amazing architecture, it was a very moving place to be and reminded me of the feeling I got at the monastery.   Just incredibly peaceful and comforting.  Astonishingly beautiful, yet simple and natural.  So I sat quietly in a pew for a while, thinking about the last few weeks and everything I have been able to see and do and feel ..... and softly wept.   I don't really know quite how to explain it other than tears of gratitude and of feeling like I was in a place where I didn't have to explain any of it, that something there just "got it" , got me, and understood what this has all meant to me.  It was hard to leave but after a while I did. I think Brad and I will drive past it on our way back west and should hit it at night and I can't wait to see it all lit up.

I know those of you with a strong faith will make your own interpretations of this visit, but religion has always been a complicated thing for me. And I will leave it at that for now.  It was a moment that I am just thankful that I was given the opportunity to have.

So it was back on the road...... I must confess to finding a new found love of antiques on this trip, though I am typically drawn to the unique and run down pieces that I can turn into something else rather than the expensive collector pieces that have a high monetary value!   I believe this is what some refer to as "trash" but they are often my "treasures"!   So how could I resist when the sign on the freeway told me that I was approaching Iowa's "Antique City"?!  It's a town called Walnut and there are quite a few shops on their main street.   Found one more piece of trash/treasure that I couldn't resist, so if you ever come to visit, be sure to ask me about the radio!!!

I got to the hotel and got the car unloaded, then headed out in search of dinner.  Not much happening in downtown Des Moines but I did stumble across a Lebanese restaurant and drank a beer from Cyprus while I waited for my to go order!  Go figure!

These last few days have been a nice change from the hustle and bustle of the first two weeks and it has given me a chance to really reflect on the trip and the things that I have done.  As I am sure any of you can tell who have been reading my ramblings, there was a large portion of this trip that had to do with going out into the world to figure out who I was and where I belonged.   Welcome to my mid-life crisis I guess!  Not sure I should admit that, but there I go with that honesty thing again!

So I have thought these last few days about what I have learned.  A lot!  

I've learned that when you are going to pack for a trip like this, get together everything you think ou will need and then take half of that.  Even doing that, you will take more than you need.  Then when you get home, clean out all of your closets while the memory of living with less is fresh in your mind.  Simplify your life.

I've learned to slow down and enjoy the ride.  It really doesn't matter how quickly you get there or what route you take, you will still get to where you are supposed to be.  And if you see something you want to look at and you have passed it, go back.  You will rarely regret going back but you may always regret not.
I've learned that sometimes you just need to be still and listen.  To the world around you, to the voice inside you, or to the sound of silence itself.

I've learned that we all have things in our lives that we regret or would like to be able to go back and change, but usually if you look closely at those moments, they make you who you are and define things in your life in a way a smooth path could never do.  I think we all have a strength inside of us that sometimes lies dormant until it's tested and then it's up to us what we do with that strength when we discover it.

I've learned that change can be hard, but it can be good too.   Just because something has always been one way doesn't mean it needs to stay that way forever.  Sort of like grapes eventually becoming a fine wine - both are good and can be savored, appreciated slowly and shared with friends in moderation.  They are just different.

I've learned that we all have baggage.  It's just how much of it we really feel like we have to carry every day that matters.  I would rather carry a backpack than a footlocker, so I am seriously working on letting some of it go.

I've learned that if anything were to happen to Brad that the earth would shake and open and swallow me whole and I would be lost for a while, but in the end I would probably be okay.  I don't want to have to know this, but I feel like I do now.  I know now that I would be able to go out into the world and experience it and not sit back and wait for someone to show me the way.   This is huge for me and I think one of the self imposed tests I passed on this trip.  Because you see, while we have been apart for great lengths of time - even seven months when he deployed - this is the first time I have chosen to be the one who leaves home and he stayed behind.   And I think I passed the test.

I think I've also learned that I am one incredibly lucky woman who has led a rather charmed life.  I have often felt like life has given me more than I deserve and wonder when it will be time to pay for that.  It takes a little of the fun out of it when you are always waiting for the other shoe to fall, so I am working on letting go of that and just enjoying what I have been given ad feeling worthy of the gift.  Self esteem is a funny thing.   Seems like people either have too much of it or not enough, but rare is the person who has just the right amount.   Perhaps they are out there - they are just the quiet ones who demand nothing of us.

And the last thing for tonight that I have learned is that I do require some solitude in my life.  I love my husband, I love my boys and I love the activities I have in my life, but I find that there are times I just need to step back and be quiet and be with myself.  I think we are probably all like that.


 Thanks for sticking it out through this very long posting.  I do hope you all are enjoying reading these as much as I am enjoying writing them and I love it when I hear from you!